Funny Metaphors from High School Essays

Original post: I found some metaphors that could prove helpful to an aspiring writer.  These were actually used in essays by high schoolers this past year.  High School English teachers collect these each year and publish them.  I found last year’s list at: http://help.com/post/124066-funny-metaphors-used-in-high-school

What I have since found (8.11.08): These were really submitted to a contest run by the Washington Post back in 1999.  Sorry for the initial inaccuracy.

Here are a few of my favorites:

• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
• Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph.
• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.  But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Things I Discovered on Vacation in Hawaii

We arrived home from Hawaii this morning and are exhausted.  Just to update (all of this will be random, since I haven’t slept in more than 24 hours and my body feels like it is shutting down)…

No matter how hard we try, we are just not beach people.

It probably wasn’t a good idea to watch the movie JAWS with my 10 and 12 year old kids just before going to Hawaii.

We all really enjoyed the Polynesian Cultural Center.

Red-eye flights live up to their name.

We were impressed by the Arizona Memorial.

There is not much swapping going on at the Honolulu Swap Meet (unless currency counts as a swap).

We enjoyed visiting the Hawaiian Art Museum, the DeRussy Military Museum, the Aquarium, the Hawaiian Palace, and the Mission House Museum (we may not be beach people, but apparently we are museum people).

We did have fun at the beach, but we still aren’t beach people.

Our United Airlines flight crew was top notch.

My son has a great sense of humor (I already knew it, but it is still fun to think about) and my daughter has a charming smile (and used it on me more than once) and both of my kids really do understand the value and power of money (both really wanted to make their own purchases with their own money rather than allow “the parents” to just buy them what they wanted – they even wanted to buy their own food several times, but we kept reminding them that food was “the parents’” responsibility).

We aren’t great at being tourists (we feel self-conscious when pampered) and we aren’t really beach people (have I mentioned this?).

Enough, everyone else is asleep – my turn.