Things I Have Learned From Children

To honor all the kids returning to school from summer break…  Actually, to honor their moms…

I found this at Topic Viewer and thought it funny.  See if you agree:

Things I Have Learned From Children

  • A king-size waterbed hold enough water to fill a 2,000 square foot house four inches deep.
  • If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and roll over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  • A three-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over the ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
  • If you hook a dog leash over the ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 room.
  • You should not throw baseballs up while the ceiling fan is on.
  • When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the baseball up a few times before you get a hit.
  • A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  • The glass in windows (including double-paned windows) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • When you hear the toilet flush along with the words “uh-oh,” it’s already too late.
  • Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
  • A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  • Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
  • Play-doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  • Super glue is forever.
  • No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still cannot walk on water.
  • Pool filters do not like Jello.
  • VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  • Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  • You probably don’t want to know what that smell is.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  • Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • The fire department in my town has a five minute response time.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
  • Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  • 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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4 responses to “Things I Have Learned From Children

  1. So, I’m thinking that the paint/ceiling fan thing is not such a bad idea.

    It might speed up the process.

  2. Exactly my point.

    We have been fortunate to not have experienced any of these. Our experiences have been more about removing stains and getting stitches.

  3. These are great. I’m making a mental note to not purchase a ceiling fan!

    I’ve actually tried the ball and fan thing (and as an adult)…but not with a baseball – it was pretty cool!

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